Words

So difficult to say
What I want to.
These very lines
Seem so inadequate -
Just scratching the surface
Of untold depth of meaning.
My mind cries aloud
But my voice merely murmurs.
My brain screams 'How?'
In a wondering whisper.

I can run through thoughts with ease
Only to stumble in audible clumsiness
Like dropping a knife
And severing my heart from my lips.
Miming to a record
Of well-used phrases.
I do want love care mean
I have can will need
I see know believe
I trust hear feel seem
I hope understand
I hope you understand.

 

15 February 1972 

With Infinite Care

To open the door on a an empty room
And look down as your heart sinks;
To walk across, as your mind wanders
Through thoughts like wisps of smoke
From the cigarette, burning;
To sit on the bed and logically think,
Then hold a pen and grasp some words
Suspended in the haze around you.
To move black over white
Like a stick in the snow
To describe wondering plight -
Where have you been?
Where'll you go? 
A hard fact in the cold
As the clock ticks aloud -
On your own you are bold,
But afraid in the crowd;
To wait and to smile
As you walk through the door
And look down at the child
Dropping ash on the floor;
To worry, wonder, laugh and cry,
To understand without knowing why,
To have and to hold
But never grow old;
To give, to try,
To live, to die,
To know that you know that
Is to love.

 

14 February 1971 First written and now published again on Valentine's Day. Something special, this one.

In The Eyes Of A Girl

Do I?
Yes ...
Thanks...
"Hello -"
"Hello -"
You're beautiful.
And you ...
I wish ...
So do I ...
But ...
But ...
Quite ...
I'd like ..,
I could love ...
No ...
I'm sorry...
So am I.
"Pity... "
"Pardon?"
"Oh, sorry, just talking to myself..."
"Bye"
"Cheerio."

15 February 1972

If I could

If I could only read your mind,
I'd know;
If I could only hear your heart,
I'd listen;
If I could only see your thoughts,
I'd look;
If I could only touch your love
I'd hold
You in my arms
And tell you in silence 
And be a light in your darkness -
But I do -
So perhaps I can.

15 February 1972 Presumably a Gordon Lightfoot track inspired the start. 

Masterpiece

Grey-tiled rooftops,
Dirty brick walls,
Smoke-blackened panes.
Drizzle of rain
From meaningless sky
In a dusty yellow frame.

That's the picture
On my wall.

15 February 1972  I think this was the view from my top story rented room in Morningside Edinburgh

Tomorrow Perhaps

Wandering aimlessly in what next land,
Stumbling noisily over pound signs,
Counting pocket's pocket money,
Wishing it were countless.

Trying not to think,
Dying for a drink,
Standing on the brink
Of sit down and wait land.

Feeling almost but not quite happy
Then knowing out of luck sad,
Wanting to sleep until it's all over,
Closing wide open eyes.

Running away,
Forgetting to pay,
Remembering to say
"I'm sorry, it'll be all right soon."

Impatiently rushing at the sun,
Desperately clucthing at clouds,
Touching them slip through my fingers,
Falling down once again.

Tomorrow I know I must win.

20 January 1972

 

Thus

I walk through my mind
On a path called Why
That leads to a place called Where.
I eventually arrive
At a time named When
And I speak to a person
Called Who.

"Whyever do I wonder?
 Wherever do I go?
 Whenever do I get there?
 Whoever is there?" I ask.

Whoever it is that plays
Tricks with my eyes
That I can see
What I don't want to know;

Whoever it is that replies
Without words:
"Wherever you are, I am there,
 Whenever you are, I am then,
 Whyever you are,
 I'm the reason you are,
 Whoever you are
 I am you." 

18 January 1972 One of my favourites! I was definitely improving by then, if still a bit bizarre.